interview
This raises issues around the employment and treatment of women in the church, it's also about what are a church's priorities when appointing a youth worker. What matters in the church? Are we missing out on the fundamentals of what Jesus has called us to do - replaced by pseudo and unnecessary 'traditions' and ways of doing things?
(2 candidates sat facing Pastor Best)
Pastor Best - Hello, I'm Pastor Best, the best pastor outside of Italy! And you are?
Simon - I'm Simon, Simon Jones
Seamus - I'm Seamus O'Donnell
Pastor Best - OK, you've both applied to be our new pastor
(Katie enters, another candidate)
Pastor Best - Hi, I'll have a coffee. Simon? Seamus? What do you want?
Simon - (not knowing Katie is a candidate) Coffee for me please
Seamus - A pint of Guinness, only joking, coffee...
Katie - No, I'm here for the job interview
Pastor Best - That's kind of you but we already have a church cleaner and the flower rota is pretty full...
Katie - No, I'm applying to be the new youth pastor
Pastor Best - (laughs) That's a good one. Seriously, why are you here?
Katie - I'm being serious!
Pastor Best - You're a woman!
Katie - Well observed
Pastor Best - We don't employ women in this church
Katie - Why not?
Pastor Best - It's all here in 'Baptist history, traditions and guidelines' (hands Katie a large dusty book) pages 673 through 927. Read this and come back if there's anything you don't understand.
(Katie leaves, disgusted - other 2 candidates sit, bemused)
Pastor Best - (shouts after Katie) Two sugars please! Women youth pastors... let me write that down (writes) 'a woman walks into a church and says "I'd like to be the new youth pastor" ' that's brilliant that is, doesn't even need a punchline! They'll love that at the Baptist Seminary (turns to Simon and Seamus). Let's start with an easy question. Are you both Christians?
Both - Yes!
Pastor Best - One all. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Seamus, have you been baptised?
Seamus - No
Pastor Best - (picks up jug of water) No time like the present
Seamus - I mean yes!
Pastor Best - (puts down the jug) Mmm. I'm sure that you're as familiar as I am with the first 5 verses of Habbukuk chapter 3. Could you please translate these verses into the original Hebrew and explain the theological implications for the Israelites then, and for us today?
Seamus - Um, no
Pastor Best - Then there's no point in you being here. Goodbye
Seamus - Are you a real Minister?
Pastor Best - Of course I am, and I have the dog collar to prove it (picks up an actual dog collar)
(Seamus leaves, disgusted)
Pastor Best - next candidate please
Simon - Here I am - as I said, my name is Simon Jones
Pastor Best - thank goodness you've got a normal name. My name is Pastor, Pastor Billis. Why did you come for this job?
Simon - Well, I felt God calling me to...
Pastor Best - I see, now are you a Christian? You're not from Belmont (replace with local church) are you?
Simon - Er, yes and no.
Pastor Best - Could you be a bit clearer please Mr Bayes
Simon - Hayes
Pastor Best - Hayes?
Simon - My name.
Pastor Best - What about your name. Have you forgotten it?
Simon - No. (confused)
Pastor Best - Excellent. Now, what would you bring to the youthwork. I brought a rainbow guitar strap...
Simon - Um, I'd bring experience with young people...
Pastor Best - Yes, yes but how green is your valley Mr Babe?
Simon - My valley? My name is Hayes not babe.
Pastor Best - Well done. Now, what's your waist size? (Gets out a tape measure...)
Simon - Are you well? I'm not sure what my waist size has got to do with anything.
Pastor Best - It's got a lot to do with your stomach. We've got a pizza card you know.
Simon - Right...
Pastor Best - Mr Smith, do you think Quiche has a place in God's house and which variety?
Simon - Well I suppose so, I like ham
Pastor Best - Ahh, so you're a charismatic
Simon - Well, not exactly
Pastor Best - I like cheese quiche... with extra cheese
Simon - (confused) So what does that make you?
Pastor Best - Cheesy! (laughs at his great joke. Steve shakes his head). Now, have you been baptised (picks up jug of water)
Simon - Yes, yes...
Pastor Best - (sits down, thinks then gets back up with jug) It wasn't as a child was it?
Simon - No, no.
Pastor Best - Good. Now Mrs Galthwaite, what theological impact did Malachi 3.4 have on Messianic Jews in 12th century Palestine?
Simon - I'm really not sure to be honest mate. I'm not sure I want this job.
Pastor Best - Oh, is there a job going? I might apply. Are you the interviewer?
Simon - Yes that's right. My name is Pastor Best...
