materialism

CONFESSIONAL BOX:

(His Royal Reverence is engaged in cleaning his nails and speaks with more than a hint of apathy)

Confessor - Your Reverence. I have some confessions to make

His Reverence - Yes my child. Speak to me..

Confessor - I don't know if I can bring myself to say anything..

His Reverence - Speak child, for this is the confessional box and you are here to confess. If there is nothing to confess then you must confess for not confessing

Confessor - Right. I'll try..

His Reverence - And am I not His Royal Reverence, the right reverend Royce of Romford?

Confessor - You are indeed His Royal Reverence, the right reverend Royce of Romford

His Reverence - Then speak on with good cheer..

Confessor - In that case I admit that I have wrongly wanted some of my neighbour's possessions

His Reverence - (Ears prick up, keen for a bit of gossip) Oh yes..?

Confessor - Yes I'm afraid I have

His Reverence - Well, spit it out man, does he have a BMW, a Merc, what is it?

Confessor - No, your reverence it's not his car

His Reverence - His fine house, his wife?

Confessor - No, I cannot bring myself to say

His Reverence - Right.. his TV, video, DVD player..?

Confessor - No, it's my neighbours ox.

His Reverence - His ox?

Confessor - Yes. For does not the Bible say we should not want our neighbour's ox and I do not have an ox..

His Reverence - Well, yes, but you live on the 3rd storey of a block of flats..

Confessor - That's true

His Reverence - I mean, this is a slight surprise. I haven't recently had anyone confess they wanted to own an ox, well, not here in the inner city anyway..

Confessor - There is more your reverence

His Reverence - Your neighbour's Playstation, his computer, is it his stereo you want?

Confessor - No.

His Reverence - Well.. does your neighbour own a cat? A dog? A flock of geese?

Confessor - No your reverence, it's my neighbour's donkey. I do not have a donkey..

His Reverence - So let's get this straight Mr Fruitloop. Your neighbour has an ox and a donkey.

Confessor - Yes.

His Reverence - And you want an ox and a donkey?

Confessor - Yes.

His Reverence - Right..

Confessor - So your reverence, have I sinned, am I forgiven..?

His Reverence - Well, not exactly.. but let me ask.. have you ever considered farming?