This is a sketch around a new person arriving at your church youth ministry to take charge.. We didn't actually use this one when we welcomed our new youth pastor but it sums up a lot of our humour and frustrations in youth ministry! Enjoy. By Ben L.
(Scene - an office. Desk, chairs and floor covered with books, mess everywhere. Youth Pastor (YP) is sitting at desk reading a huge book titled, 'Baptist History and Principles, volume 5'. Pastor (P) comes in and sits down..)
YP - Morning pastor
P - Morning, what are you reading?
YP - (holding up the book) It's the essential book you lent me to read, 'Baptist History and Principles, volume 5'
P - Ah, yes, BHAP v5, a classic of our time
YP - (Doubtfully) - Erm, ye-ess. Anyway, there's one part I don't understand.
P - Which part?
YP - Section 17, sub-section 12, paragraph 6, point d. You know the part I mean?
P - Er, just refresh my memory will you?
YP - (Takes a deep breath and reads) "If at a meeting of members there is a meeting of minds on an issue not on the list to be discussed at the aforementioned meeting of members then it may be judicious to postpone the meeting of minds until the next meeting of members whereat the issue arising out of the meeting of minds may be fully debated. This latter meeting of members may be a scheduled meeting of members previous to which the issue arising can be formally identified as an arising issue. Alternatively, an additional meeting of members may be scheduled at which the issue arising can be specifically debated as a meeting of minds. Provision may also be made for this meeting of members to include debate on issues arising out of the debate on the original issue arising."
P - (Looking dazed). What was the question? Could you email it to me, I'm likely to forget otherwise.
YP - Yes but what does it mean?
P - I have no idea. Something to do with meetings, I'm on volume 2 myself so will explain it to you when I reach volume 5 again. Anyway, how is your timetable looking?
YP - So far I'm down to do our weekly 8-11s outreach club on Mondays with youth worker meetings afterwards, I attend house group on Tuesdays, Wednesday I lead the younger lads cell group, on Thursdays I run the 11-14 youth club. On fridays, I'll be leading the older lads cell group. Saturday is the joint local youth work leader meetings. Sunday I'm leading the 5-8s work, the 8-11s work and the 11-14s session. I'm doing the youth service on Sunday evenings.
P - That should do for starters, we'll take a look at the rest of your jobs, such as pastoral care of leaders and young people, food preparation and purchase, hoovering rooms, locking up the church building, tidying away other people's mess, fixing things and mending perspex on stained glass windows. Sound OK?
YP - I have one or two queries.
P - Really, such as?
YP - Well, on Sunday mornings I'm down to the 5-8s, 8-11s and 11-14s, deliver the weekly feedback report to the main church service whilst playing my didgeridoo as part of the worship team.
P - That's right. What's the problem?
YP - All 5 things happen at the same time..
P - Yes.
YP - In different rooms..
P - Yes, I still don't see where you're coming from.
YP - I was just wondering how I'm supposed to be in 5 different places at the same time.
P - Good point, you'll have to do each thing one after the other. Hang on, I can't make that kind of decision, we need a meeting to discuss this. Let's just consult the handbook.. (Picks up Baptist Handbook and reads the passage back).. "If at a meeting of members there is a meeting of minds on an issue not on the list to be discussed at the aforementioned meeting of members then it may be judicious to postpone the meeting of minds until the next meeting of members whereat the issue arising out of the meeting of minds may be fully debated. This latter meeting of members may be a scheduled meeting of members previous to which the issue arising can be formally identified as an arising issue. Alternatively, an additional meeting of members may be scheduled at which the issue arising can be specifically debated as a meeting of minds. Provision may also be made for this meeting of members to include debate on issues arising out of the debate on the original issue arising."
YP - I was thinking about the 8 to 11s outreach club, they seem to be a great bunch with good leaders, but I'm a little worried about the teenage work team. What's the team like?
(Note, in this section, we describe some of our leaders, names have been changed to protect the innocent, you may want to insert your own leaders or 'stereotypical' youth workers here. It's a joke, nothing serious but just think carefully!)
P - Let's start with Dot. She's an older woman and is the brains behind the operation, it's always the quiet ones you know.. Very experienced and servant hearted, definitely the controlling influence. Give her a muffin and some butter and she'll knock up a 3 course meal for 50 in a half hour.
Then we have Jack, he's an amazing character. A bit like Tom Cruise.. only taller.. and older.. and with less hair.. and less money. Next there's his wife Jill who can make everything out of anything. Blue Peter trained. If the young people ever make a mess, you can guarantee Jill will have something that will not only remove the mess but leaving the surface whiter than white. Even if it was blue previously..
YP - Fantastic!
P - Tonight, you'll meet Horace and Dorace, a very cool couple. Dorace claims to be a teacher but unfortunately she teaches French. Oh well, you can't have everything. Horace is a great administrator from behind the prison bars of his church office cupboard. When he goes, we'll really miss his coffee.. I mean company.
YP - Sounds like a great team. What about the other 2 individuals?
P - Well, Zee is a bit of a troublemaker. Used to bring far too many street urchins into the building. Under his, ahem, leadership, things were, erm, interesting. Arson, fights and carpets ruined. He permanently seems to have a baseball hat glued to his head. I think sleeps in it. I believe he runs a baseball cap farm and breeds them.
The other individual is a a human equivalent of a springer spaniel. Jumps about the place, seems to have endless energy and do everything. I don't think he sleeps and is probably half vampire.
YP - Hmm.. sounds fun. What about the young people?
P - Amazing group. We have a group of musically talented girls. The kind that were writing symphonies just after exiting the womb. We call them the mini orchestra. Others like breakdance and that horrible rap 'music'. Yet another group of lads have formed a rock band. The only rock I know is The Rock of Ages. This rock is a little more offensive to ones ears.
YP - I can see this is going to be a fun time at this church..
P - Of course it is. Now, where's my coffee?